An insect diaspora meets with disaster

What's war

Running circles ‘round the center

Drawing lines in the sand

Hiding fear deep in trenches

Issuing demands

Armored arms pounding war drums

Blood spilt over the land

The lonely battle rages

In a final desperate stand

Scorched earth or surrender

The choice is in your hand

From here to there

Weaving cloth from nettles

Function dictates form

Inscribed into the ether

There is an inevitable march

Anxiously awaiting amid memories

Hostile thoughts take over

A friendly face breaks the ice

Opening a door

Fortune smiles upon the traveler

An opportunity to arrive

Subtle energies speak

Adjust the volume accordingly

At the intersection of infinity

I’ll meet you in the middle

Suffer the mind

The sun was hot on my bare shoulders the late-afternoon air was warm and thick. My ears were full of the sound of passing cars and the slap, slap, slapping of my dead sneakers on the sidewalk. In a futile attempt to shield my eyes, I momentarily disrupted the pendulum swing of my arms to pull down the brim of my hat. Still squinting, I surveyed the road ahead. This was the back end of a four mile run and my goal was to finish the second half faster than the first. Checking my watch revealed that I had some work to do if I hoped to make that happen.

Physically, I was experiencing the normal symptoms of fatigue; a slight burning in my chest, my heart audibly pounding, and rivulets of sweat streaming from innumerable pores. Mentally, however, I cycled between the "now-here", positive self-talk, and suffering.

Whenever I thought about how far away my goal was, the physical sensation of fatigue became pain. My breath labored, my muscles protested, and my resolve weakened. Instead of taking one step at a time, I was suddenly taking every step between "here" and "there" all at once.

Recognizing the snowballing cascade of negative thoughts, I reeled in my mind and focused it in a more positive angle. The perennial Nike slogan “just do it” just so happened to arise from this directive. The mantra slowly became quieter as I realized that I didn’t need to belabor myself with thoughts at all. For a moment, the chatter dimmed and my mind was clear. In this space, I was aware of my body and my surroundings. There was no suffering, only the knowledge that I could relax and be here indefinitely. Noticing the silence set off another barrage of mental turbulence, but rather than fighting it, I rode it like a wave.

After what seemed like an eternity locked in a psycho-spiritual ju-jitsu match, the entrance to my neighborhood came into view. With the final goal fast approaching, I pushed even harder, goading my body to speed up. I reacted to any thoughts of slowing down by increasing my velocity even more. Far beyond my anaerobic threshold, I could feel the intensity driving acidic waste into my muscles, shutting them down one fiber at a time. With only a few steps left to go, I fought on.

I crossed the four mile threshold, and allowed momentum to carry me to a stop. Transitioning into a labored walk, I made a bee-line for the pool, where after pulling off my watch and sneakers, I toppled into the cool water.

Floating in the liquid medium I was free to appreciate the spoils of my inner war; confidence, a deep sense of satisfaction, and a bowl of cereal waiting for me back home.

You're a failure? Great!

“If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again,” right? Well, maybe. Success is a slippery concept and it is rarely black, white, or even a shade of grey. Evidence of this can be found in sayings such as “today’s success is tomorrow’s failure” and “don’t rest on your laurels”. Definitions aside, “success” is something that we all seek, whether a hermit chasing nirvana or an executive making a profit. Everybody has their eye on a prize.

Our hunger for success is so great that it feeds an entire “successory” industry. Tour the offices of any company and you will surely see inspirational posters featuring plants and animals in precarious situations, mugs emblazoned with encouraging mantras, and innumerable books all claiming to hold the secret of fiscal, interpersonal, or spiritual success. As far as I can tell, diligent practice and a little bit of luck is the only real “secret”. It would make for a short book but it may work as a poster.

But failure, now that’s a juicy topic. It is my assertion the word “failure” is bogus. The idea that we can fail has no real basis in Truth (capital “T” emphasized). Take learning to walk. A toddler isn’t failing every time he or she lands on their backside. Each attempt is providing valuable information that allows the body to generate the proper coordination, strength, and confidence that walking requires. Each “failed” attempt was a step towards “successful” walking. So does that not make them one and the same? Even the idea of some static end result, walking upright in this case, is an illusion. We continue to refine our ability to walk as we develop and eventually we discover that from walking comes running, jumping, and boogying.

The crucible of success requires that one be open to taking chances, risking disappointment, and experiencing failure. So, put down your Tony Robbins book, get out of your comfort zone, and have an epic fail!

Lessons from the ring

As the saying goes, “it’s the ones you don’t see coming.”

Standing in a boxing ring, outfitted with overstuffed 20oz gloves, claustrophobic headgear, and a crotch protector that resembled an adult diaper, I faced down my opponent. Almost 10 years his senior, I was confident that I would be dominant. A belief that was bolstered by earlier practice rounds which had inflated my confidence to a dangerous level. As it would seem, my reach gave me a decisive advantage when we were limited only to jabs, but this round was “everything goes”.

The bell rang and I moved in. I pressed him with my jab, a technique that had previously proved successful, but this time, not so much. Apparently he had been listening to our coach’s advice about countering such an attack and he easily deflected my hand. He came back with a right that inverted my nose. Stunned, I backed out to reevaluate the situation. Sensing that the tables were turning and smelling blood, he now advanced towards me. I attempted to launch my own attacks but I was repeatedly rocked by shots that seemed to come out of nowhere. Mercifully, the bell rang before I sustained any real damage.

With my nose sore and my ego suddenly deflated, I consulted with Coach to find out what I had been doing wrong. He told me that I was throwing my jab incorrectly, setting myself up for a counter punch. Additionally, my stance was such that I minimized rather than maximized my reach advantage. Coach corrected my body position and it felt awkward and unnatural. Having spent the past 9 months practicing martial arts, and the past 3 specifically focused on boxing, I essentially had to go back to the basics and start over.

Eating shots from an opponent that I had underestimated, however, presented me with an opportunity to improve. Of course I could resist my coach’s advice and foolishly persist in my current state. That, however, is an option that will surely result in continued punishment from future opponents. I could also take this set-back as a sign that I’m just not cut out for boxing and that I am simply ‘not good’. To resign myself to such a belief would be easy as I could simply quit boxing and effectively avoid the subsequent egoic beatings persistence guarantees. At this present moment, however, I am determined to take decidedly different path.

Going back and rebuilding my technical foundation will require plenty of work and a commitment to breaking old habits, but I’m game for the challenge. Win or lose, I’ll stay in the fight.

Quiet Strength

Screams and shouts that would curdle milk echo through the iron jungle. Its denizens struggle, huffing, puffing, and straining; bloodshot eyes bulging, and, through the skin, every muscle, tendon, and sinew etched in stark relief. If you’ve ever been to a gym and seen the sweating masses, thoroughly brainwashed by The Governator, Joe Weider, and action movies, you’ve witnessed this scene firsthand. We’ve come to equate strength with strain, and, in this club, patched hernias are worn like a badge of honor. Ironically, icons of sport, both Olympic and professional, such as Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Usain Bolt, Michael Phelps, and Roger Federer make it look easy. Sure, they are focused, powerful, and intense, but there is a definite rhythm and flow to their movements.

I found myself reflecting on this as I worked out today. During a particularly painful set of squats I allowed myself to relax and focus on my breathing. Releasing the tension in my neck and face, I refocused my energies entirely on the form of my squat. Range of motion increased, and I completed my repetition goal. Later, I practiced a handstand, and discovered that relaxing allowed me to find my center of balance even while inverted. Straining, holding my breath, and generally forcing the movement in defiance of gravity left me on my back, beaten and battered.

Straining seems to fit pretty well into the American work ethic. If something doesn’t turn out the way you want, don’t accept it, try harder. If someone doesn’t listen to you, talk louder. Unhappy with your life? Spend more money. Don’t like someone else’s way of life? Start a war. Sure this is a simplistic reduction of our culture, but it at least partially rings true. Reactiveness, egoism, and ignorance more often than not, trump responsiveness, selflessness, and understanding. But I digress.

Back to the topic of exercise, contrary to the gasket-blowing exertions of American exercisers, the Chinese have discovered that strength can be concealed in softness. The concept of “iron and silk” is primary to the art of Tai Chi and it refers to the notion that a relaxed body, a focused mind, and open senses can, when called upon, generate uncommon strength.

Additional practices, such as deep breathing, Yoga, and other mind-body systems can also foster the ability to relax under pressure. Benefits in life outside of exercise notwithstanding, learning to relax will lead to a boost in sports performance and reduction in injuries. Tense tight muscles fight against each other and prohibit the complete coordination required to excel in athletics. The ability to learn new techniques can also be improved as impatience and frustration give way to persistence and determination.

So, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and go!